Recently, my husband and I spoke at a Christian dating devotional, and it was probably one of the funnest times we’ve ever had preaching!
When you’ve been married for a decade and take a walk down memory lane to when you first started dating your spouse, you get to reminisce over every heart warming, smitten feeling you had, and every butterfly that fluttered in your stomach. Our first kiss was at the alter, so we had a completely pure dating relationship—and remembering that just makes us completely grateful and appreciative for the marriage that God has allowed us to have today.
One of the things we talked about at the devotional was how to find a godly spouse—that is, what qualities you should look for and when would be a good time for you to start looking. We based our lesson off the Book of Ruth, so if you’re single and looking for your Boaz or Ruth, we’d love to share part of our lesson with you!
So grab your Bible, notebook, and your favorite pen, and get ready to learn how to find your Boaz/Ruth!
Quick Summary of the Book of Ruth
The Book of Ruth is said to have been written around 1000 B.C., and is meant to show God’s grace. You can learn more about the historical context of the Book of Ruth in James Burton Coffman’s commentary.
Elimelek and Naomi were Ephrathites from Bethelehem, Judah, who had moved to Moab with their two sons due to a famine (Ruth 1:1-2).
Elimelek dies, leaving Naomi to stay with her two sons, who ended up marrying Moabite women named Orpah and Ruth. Both of Naomi’s sons die, leaving her alone in a foreign land with her daughters in law (Ruth 1:3-4).
Once Naomi heard that the famine was over, she decided to return back to Judah. She encouraged Orpah and Ruth to return to their mothers’ homes. Orpah does go back to her mother (albeit a bit reluctantly), but Ruth makes the decision to stay with Naomi and cling to her (Ruth 1:5-22).
The rest of the Book of Ruth (chapters 2 through 4) is about Naomi and Ruth’s time back in Bethlehem, and Boaz’s pursuit of Ruth.
When Should I Start Looking for My Boaz/Ruth?
Now that you have a bit of background on the Book of Ruth, we can start asking the very question you came to this post for—when should I start thinking about finding the one?
Should it be after I go to college? After I get my career together? Maybe once I get out of debt? What about once I’m 25?
Here’s the thing—there is no “perfect time” of when you should start looking for your own Boaz or Ruth. It’s not like there’s some magical life formula where you have to meet certain stages before you can progress to marriage… this isn’t school!
But we will say, there is a good time spiritually for when you should go after trying to find the one.
Let’s look at a Scripture in Ruth 2:
4 Just then Boaz arrived from Bethlehem and greeted the harvesters, “The Lord be with you!”
“The Lord bless you!” they answered.
5 Boaz asked the overseer of his harvesters, “Who does that young woman belong to?”
6 The overseer replied, “She is the Moabite who came back from Moab with Naomi.
RUTH 2:4-6
What’s great about this Scripture is that, even though it’s pretty brief, it actually tells us a lot about Boaz and Ruth’s characters.
If you read Ruth 2:1-3, you’ll see that Boaz was the owner of a field that Ruth had been gleaning in. As an owner of a field, Boaz also had a number of harvesters (i.e. “employees”) who worked in his field. These harvesters were managed by an overseer who worked for Boaz.
We then pick up the Scripture in Ruth 2:4 (above) and we see Boaz extend a righteous, spiritual greeting to his harvesters and they extend a spiritual greeting back to him.
Through this brief interaction that Boaz had with his harvesters, we see that Boaz was a very spiritually minded, well respected man of God. He was also a well respected leader who knew how to manage the people under his care and meet their needs.
In Ruth 2:5 we see Boaz ask the overseer of his field about the mysterious woman who was working in his field. In Ruth 2:6, the overseer says that Ruth is “the Moabite who came back from Moab with Naomi”. He didn’t actually use Ruth’s name, but somehow Boaz knew exactly who the overseer was talking about!
This actually shows the loyalty and faithfulness that Ruth had to Naomi. Her loyalty and faithfulness was the one thing she was known for around the town, and it was the thing that made her gain the attention of Boaz!
Whether it was Boaz or Ruth, both were righteous and godly in character. Boaz was known for his leadership and was well respect, while Ruth was known for her loyalty and faithfulness.
The best time to start looking for your own Boaz/Ruth is when you become like Boaz/Ruth.
For brothers in the faith, if you aren’t spiritually focused, always struggling in your faith, not well respected by others, or don’t know how to lead others to Christ, then how could you be ready to take care of one of God’s daughters? How could you be a Boaz to someone?
For sisters in the faith, if you aren’t known for your faithfulness to God, your strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:25), or a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:3-4), then how could you be ready to be a great helper and support to one of God’s sons? How could you be a Ruth to someone?
Dating a son or daughter of God is an important decision in your Christian walk. It can determine how your Christian walk will look or whether you will even have one…
So when is the best time to start looking for your Boaz/Ruth? When YOU’VE become a Boaz/Ruth!
What Qualities Should I Look for in My Boaz/Ruth?
Okay, so you’ve gone after your walk with God and you’ve become that Boaz/Ruth who a Boaz/Ruth would be interested—great!
Now, what qualities should you be on the lookout for in a Boaz/Ruth? Well, here are three:
Quality #1: A Brother Who Protects and Leads or a Sister Who is Humble and Submissive
Let’s look at Ruth 2:8-10:
8 So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with the women who work for me. 9 Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.”
10 At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She asked him, “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?”
RUTH 2:8-10
Here in Ruth 2:8-10, we get to learn even more about Boaz and Ruth. Except this time, rather than thinking about how we can be like Boaz/Ruth, we can look at them to see what type of qualities we should go after when looking for our Boaz/Ruth.
When we look at Ruth 2:8-9 above, we see that Boaz gave Ruth specific instructions (boundaries) on what to do. He didn’t say it in a controlling or manipulative way, which we know based off Ruth’s humble, grateful response in verse 10 (“Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?” she says). Boaz was trying to lead Ruth and protect her—he even set boundaries for the other men (Ruth 2:9–I have told the men not to lay a hand on you)!
Brothers, when it comes to finding your Ruth, you want to look out for a sister who is humble, grateful, and submissive to your leadership, the same way Ruth was in Ruth 2:10. The Scripture says that Ruth “bowed down with her face to the ground”. This action showed the ultimate sign of humility, and showed that she was willing to be led by him.
Sisters, when it comes to finding your Boaz, you want to look out for a brother who wants to protect your purity and lead you to Heaven. There is so much comfort and security when there’s a man willing to lead you righteously, and who is willing to protect you, especially when it comes to your purity. A man that isn’t willing to guard your purity in Christ when you’re single means that he doesn’t care about your relationship with God—it also means he doesn’t have a healthy fear of the Lord! In 1 Corinthians 13:7 the Bible says that love always protects—so a man that will protect you (and not in a jealous, controlling way—but righteously), is a man who understands Biblical love.
Quality #2: A Brother or Sister Who Communicates with Love and Respect
Another thing you’ll notice in Ruth 2:8-10 is just how respectful and loving Boaz and Ruth spoke to each other. If you continue on in the Scripture, you’ll see this even further:
11 Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. 12 May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel,under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”
13 “May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord,” she said. “You have put me at ease by speaking kindly to your servant—though I do not have the standing of one of your servants.”
The way in which Boaz and Ruth spoke to each other had a level of maturity and righteousness that exuded respect and love. They didn’t coarse joke with each other, didn’t speak critically or with an attitude, didn’t gossip about other people, didn’t talk down to one another, and definitely didn’t flirt with each other.
Communication in any relationship is very important, especially in marriage. Without solid communication, it’s very difficult to build a strong foundation in a relationship.
Therefore, whether you’re looking for your Boaz or Ruth, make sure that the person you’re interested in speaks with the utmost respect and love to you. If they don’t speak respectfully or lovingly to you when you aren’t dating, then they’re not going to do it when you’re dating, engaged, or married…
Quality #3 A Brother or Sister Who Seeks Godly, Spiritual Counsel
In Ruth 2:11, we see that Boaz was told about everything Ruth had done for her mother-in-law. As we’ve seen, Ruth was well known by her deeds around the town, and Boaz spoke with his overseer to find out more about her.
Later on in Ruth 2: 20-23 and Ruth 3, we see Ruth taking the advice of Naomi on what she should do. She really allows Naomi to guide and instruct her.
When you’re looking for your Boaz or Ruth, one of the most important qualities to look for is whether the person gets and takes godly, spiritual counseling from older, more mature Christians.
The Bible has a lot to say about seeking and taking advice:
The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.
PROVERBS 12:15
Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.
PROVERBS 19:20
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.
PROVERBS 27:9
Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
PROVERBS 13:10
…and those are just a few Scriptures on advice! Getting and taking advice is incredibly important in any area of your Christian walk. It’s what helps us stay on the narrow path.
Look for someone who is willing to go after seeking wise, spiritual counsel from mature Christians. A person who listens and takes advice is someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to make their relationship work. It’s someone who has a very humble heart. It’s someone who will strive to do what is right and who is more concerned with being right before God, than they are about any particular image they must uphold.
This wasn’t an exhaustive study on the Book of Ruth, and it definitely wasn’t an exhaustive study on things to look for in a potential Boaz/Ruth (don’t forget to look for other general compatibilities with a person, like shared interests and life goals)! But we do hope you found some of these qualities helpful and that you enjoyed digging into the book of Ruth!
If you have any advice on how to find a Boaz/Ruth, feel free to leave it in the comments below!
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